Denial is a fairly robust coping mechanism especially for teens. Sometimes using denial gives them a little more time to process what is happening, or it may be a sign that they need time before processing it. However, they can’t be in denial long term. Be patient (as it can be extremely hurtful), let them know you are always there for their questions, worries or hugs, but try not to badger them - give it time.

If you have no obvious physical side effects of a cancer diagnosis, or treatment, then this can fuel the refusal to accept.

Perhaps suggest to your child to take a visit to your clinic, to meet your CNS, or another member of your healthcare team.

Communication with older kids and teens can be tricky. If they won’t open up, express how they are feeling or what is going on for them, it can feel very frustrating. You can’t force them to talk, in actual fact that makes them less likely to want to in the future.

Remember; they could be in denial, they could feel that sharing their feelings will upset you, they could feel confused about how they are feeling so are unable to articulate.

Perhaps try:

1) Introduce them to your healthcare team, ask them to visit the clinic with you (gives you stuff to talk about which might allow them to feel like they can open up)

2) Explain whilst driving/doing the washing up/walking together, that they can find someone else to talk to and perhaps give some suggestions of trusted people (friends, parents of friends, family, teachers etc)

3) Try using open questions starting with when, what, how, and allow for big silences. Do this whilst driving/doing the washing up/walking together etc so not staring at them.

4) Sometimes sharing your feelings with them can work. For example tell them how the cancer diagnosis impacting on you, and what your are scared of (just enough). This can help to break down the barriers.

3) Maybe think of creative ways to help them feel comfortable in showing their emotions (try the ‘share a feeling’ or ‘what is important in my life’ family activities)

4) Suggest a pizza night on Thursday at a local café just the two of you (or something similar) – don’t talk about big stuff but let them know that Thursday nights is a space and time just for you two and that if they want to talk you are there.

Remember, they might already be talking to someone and not have told you. It might be somewhere you haven’t thought of like their online gaming community.